No More Autumn Leaves

NO MORE AUTUMN LEAVES

And she was lost,

She didn’t know what she felt anymore,

She was both happy and sad at the same time.

She would never tell

how she felt,

she would stay quiet

and keep it for herself.

She had lost so much

and gained so little,

she would never feel good enough

for anyone,

not even for herself.

She would laugh

and she would smile,

she would act like everything was fine

but she knew

she was living a lie,

behind her smile

she held a broken heart.

She would forgive over and over again

just because she was afraid to lose

someone who never saw her real worth.

She expected too much

and never learned to let go,

she got attached too fast

and when time came,

a part of her was gone too.

And all those promises

in which she believed

flew away just like the wind.

And she waited,

and waited,

but he never came.

All she ever wants

is to never feel again

because every time she feels,

all she feels is pain.

(p.f)

“Nothing hurts more than being disappointed by the single person you thought would never hurt you”.

              I thought that I was the happiest person in the whole world by having you. Yeah it was so nice at the beginning. You were the reason that I smiled. You were my everything. My moodbooster. And life was so perfect! I don’t care about the past because what past is past. I don’t care about the flaws because I will love you unconditionally.

           It’s so hard for me to trust anybody.  But it’s changed when you came and get closer to me.  You told me in front of the people that you liked me and promise me you’ll never betrayed it, so I believed. Really surprising. I accepted you.  And the story began.

           From the very first time we’re together, everything is so beautiful. I don’t know what it was that made me love you, you had my heart and I tried to love you even more. I can say I’m proud of being yours. And I supposed you did too.

           But  everything has changed. You’re not like usual. I felt the difference. It’s like you’re hiding something from me. I knew it. But everytime I asked why, you always said nothing’s really matter. I’ll never tell you how much I cried that day and that night. I was so afraid to lose you, but it hurts me to hold on.

           “Hard to say” you wrote. I felt the pain in my chest all of a sudden and I guess I know what you are going to say and it’ll breaks my heart into pieces, I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I cried all night long. The next day, you said you had so much trouble so you want us to to have a “break”.  I ignored. I don’t want it. I wanna help you through this. I don’t know why you don’t let me to help. You’re out of control. The choices are just stay or leave. This time is really hard for me. Am I deserve this? Are you worth it? Worth my tears? I guess you’re not. And I’m done. It’s over.

But the thing is, you can’t just come and leave me as you please. I do love you, but I have to get over you and let you go no matter how hard it is. I DON’T HATE YOU, I JUST DISAPPOINTED.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the hill. (people who never satisfied with what they have)